1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
