you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
