Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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