I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its about making memories worth repressing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
