wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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