What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
