In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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