i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
