I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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