so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
