I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
