You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize