I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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