If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize