Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
