rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
