I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
