Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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