Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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