so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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