I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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