I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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