the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
