i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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