I love black thongs
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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