i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
