am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nutella sex= disaster
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize