She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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