If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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