I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize