I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's shark week go big or go home
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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