Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
