The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
