Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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