the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
