butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
