I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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