my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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