Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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