Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
organizing the empties. That sober.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
