We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
