Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
