Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
