Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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