But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize