dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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