i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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