haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
