Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
