You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
