I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
