STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Soap is not a condiment
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
