I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
