Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
