My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
