4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
