Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

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(989): View more from Michigan

in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."

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(912): View more from Georgia

Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed

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(904): View more from Florida

We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.

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