Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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