No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
