dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
