Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
