...so i touched it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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