I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
