I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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