Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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