He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
