I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Alive.
So much puke
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize