Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
